Bound By Oath To Obey
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "lord_andronicus" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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06:50 pm
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Amusement
There are few things in this Mortal world that amuse me, but the discomfit of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kailkirilron is one of them.
Soon the world will see him for what he truly is.
Then we'll see if they still adore him as much as they did when he was first introduced.
If I didn't know any better, I would say that soulless vampire was concerned about such.
And that is intensely amusing.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood:  amused
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09:01 am
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Done at the insistence of those I must endure.
| My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul |
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| lord_andronicus goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as his true demonic form.. | | acheronp gives you 17 dark blue tropical-flavoured gummy worms. | | aoyagi tricks you! You get a rock. | | aylaleia tricks you! You get a wad of paper. | | dina_james tricks you! You lose 15 pieces of candy! | | elegaer tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy! | | enchanter gives you 8 mauve coffee-flavoured nuggets. | | in_exadus tricks you! You get a piece of paper. | | menessa gives you 4 red lime-flavoured jawbreakers. | | zarek_of_moesia gives you 7 mottled green banana-flavoured nuggets. | | lord_andronicus ends up with 20 pieces of candy, a rock, a wad of paper, and a piece of paper. | | Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern. |
Current Mood:  annoyed
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01:56 pm
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No Excuses
Though I do not have a great deal of use for the defective runt (rambo_hellhound) on most days, and for the most part despise the television he is so enamored with, there are, on occasion, a few interesting things that you Mortals come up with.
Cooking, for a start, is one of your finer accomplishments.
I will share with you now an exquisite recipe even the most cooking-inept of you should be able to manage.
Go here for the link you can easily print out in one of several formats, or simply copy it here. Then go immediately to your grocer, purchase the ingredients, and make it for yourself for your evening meal tonight.
You humans are so fragile - you require so much. Three meals a day, for instance, and a significant restorative period. The least you can do is insure that the nourishment you ingest is palatable. I assure you, the following is much more than merely palatable.
( Recipe )
~Fin~
Of course, the defective runt won't eat "meat-things", so he misses out on the sausage balls. His loss. If you're dining with him, however, and thankfully (unless you're somehow unfortunate this evening or any other) you're not, make triple the amount of the potatoes and broccolini for him in addition to what you make for yourself. It's a good idea to get three times the ingredients anyway for that purpose.
Now, go forth and make acceptable food. It's the one decent thing you Mortals have on this plane, and so few of you are competent at making it.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Location: Where else?
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: That's someone else's idea of "decent"
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08:14 pm
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The Little Human Who Could
Dina James actually got published.
Paranormal romance is a supernatural force to be reckoned with. Packed with a menagerie of werewolves, shape-shifters, and assorted demons, its undisputed king is none other than our favorite centuries-old bloodsucker—the vampire.
Let the biggest and brightest names in the paranormal romance business show you the bewildering array of complex vampire codes of conduct, dark ritual, and dating practices, as they chat up the locals and engage in the most erotic encounters you will sink your teeth into this side of un-Death. These ain’t your mother’s vampires!
In a quickly expanding genre, here are 30 short stories of hot blood and inhuman passions. (Amazon.com)
Vampires have dating practices? Oh, that's almost as amusing as calling them "vampires". This is going to provide all kind of amusement.
Kyle is of course the entire reason behind this, or so Dina would say. If it weren't for me, though, Kyle wouldn't even have introduced himself to Dina. That doesn't stop Kyle from being smug, of course. He can't stop smirking and looking insufferably pleased with himself.
So really, her getting published is due to me. I always knew she had it in her. It's why I chose her to write my own Chronicle. And what does she do?
Go with the "sexy" guy.
Humans. *shakes head*
Anyway, buy her little book and make her feel good about herself so she'll GET OFF HER FAT LAZY ASS and write a *real* story.
Mine.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: amused
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11:55 pm
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Pissing People Off
*smirk* Humans. You just don't get it, do you?
At least you provide some occasional amusement.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: amused
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11:56 am
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Brilliantly Evil...for a Mortal
I don't know what I'm meant to say here. I suppose I should say something. I'm glad the Chronicler dina_james has finally gotten off her fat human ass and is writing something. I suppose I should...congratulate menessa on her evilly brilliant scheme to wrest the actual query from the Chronicler so that said Chronicler actually has someone to be accountable to.
It's about fucking time. This January, it will be seven years since I introduced myself to Dina James and told her my story.
7 years in the Mortal Realm. You little talking monkeys suck, but at least you're amusing. Betimes.
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: annoyed
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07:15 pm
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*scowl*
Well, it seems the fire I lit under my chronicler has died and is unable to be fanned. She was making progress too.
Human apathy. I don't get it. I mean, what kind of excuse is "I don't feel like it"? Just write what I tell you, damn it.
What do you mean it has to be readable? Reasonable?
Oh, fuck you. I give up on her.
Current Mood: disgusted
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12:35 am
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Mortals
You Humans suck. No, really. You're frail. You're stupid. You're the lowest form of life. My Master and over half of Heaven's host rebelled because the Creator saw fit to treasure you pitiful sickening creatures above all things that he created.
That doesn't speak well for his standards, now does it? No wonder my Master revolted. He *was* revolted. As am I.
You disgusting little meatpuppets are amusing, however. But as dina_james is so fond of saying, the stupid kills the funny.
I can understand why my chronicler's most damning insult for her human brethren (Though she will take high insult to the fact that she is in any way a part of the human race. I like to annoy her with that unfortunate reality.) is to call you "Mortals". Because she understands what sad little beings you are. It's why I chose her to write my story. She among all you hairless apes understands best my position here among you.
Now, if she would get OFF HER ASS and finish telling my story, the rest of you could try and wrap what teaspoon of brains you have around the fact that you all. fucking. suck.
Mortals.
Current Location: Still Not Hell
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Who the fuck listens to Sinead O'Connor anymore? Cate, that's who.
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11:53 pm
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Someone Kill Her Before I Do
For the hate of all that's unholy...
SOMEONE FIX HER.
Current Location: Not Hell That's For Certain
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Nirvana - Lithium
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04:17 pm
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The Human Lives
For another day, anyway.
She's making excellent progress on my story, and I must say, I like this chronicle much better than the one she originally wrote down. It reflects me much better, much truer, I think, than before. Even if she is insisting on writing the mutt in again.
She's rather slow about it though. But at least she's making the effort.
- Andronicus, Lord General
Current Mood: pleased
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02:16 pm
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This Human Appears To Have Met Me...
...and wrote a song about it.
http://www.myspace.com/voltairenyc
Go to his page and click on "When You're Evil" for a listen.
( When You're Evil by Voltaire )
Sometimes humans aren't as stupid as they seem to be.
Current Mood:  Evil
Current Music: Voltaire
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12:39 pm
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Hey Look...
the author I've been prodding to get my story told finally has an LJ of her own! And it looks like she'll be getting a website! Looks like she's finally getting serious about writing something. It's only taken me four years of prodding her FAT LAZY ASS. Yeah, I'm talking about you, dina_james. It's about damned time!
- Andronicus, Lord General
Edit: Oh, look! rambo_hellhound. Isn't that cute? The runt has added me to his own journal's friends! Well, I'm not friending him back! And damn right he'd better not run his mouth to you pitiful little mortals! Cate should never have taught him to read. Or write.
You know how you talking monkeys say "this is Hell" when you're in a place that sucks? Well I guess a demon would say "this is Heaven". This just *thrills* me.
-A, LG
Current Mood: amused
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01:04 pm
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Finally
Four years, damn it. Four years and she's finally getting around to dusting off my story and reworking it to a supposedly "publishable" form. Shouldn't take all that long. I mean, she has everything there that she needs.
Of course, she reminds me that any editor will take 10% of my story and trash it just on principle.
Of course they do. They work for my Master. Editors, lawyers and most agents of any kind are on His payroll. They're *evil*. Duh.
I'll keep you updated as to the progress of this endeavor. The going might be slow in human terms, but for a demon, this will go by quickly. Perhaps by this time next year, I'll be out of here. Thank fuck.
Damn You All,
Andronicus, Lord General
P.S. Would you annoying little meat puppets stop calling me "Andy?" It's trite. And annoying. I hate you.
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Some song called "Good Enough" by some band
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04:16 am
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It's About Damned Time
Finally. She's stirring. My chronicler is finally getting around to revamping my story. There were a few details we had to work out, and a few more questions she had, but I think she's about ready to start rewriting my tale.
It's about damned time, too. There's only a few weeks left in the year, and I want her finished with it by the beginning of the next. I've been here for nearly four years, and that's fucking long enough.
Damn You All,
-Andronicus, Lord General
Current Location: Cate's Study
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Runt's Television
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02:16 am
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The Things You Humans Do For Amusement
So it's that time of year again already? Lovely. This means I've been in exile for nearly four years. Fuck. I'm never going to get out of this....
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In August I stole aoyagi's purse (-30 points). Last Thursday I pulled over and changed menessa's flat tire (15 points). In March I caught a purse-snatcher who stole aylaleia's purse (30 points). In September I ruled Canada as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). In July I gave in_exadus a Dutch Oven (-10 points).
Overall, I've been nice (705 points). For Christmas I deserve a new bike!
Sincerely,
lord_andronicus |
I AM NOT NICE!! *scowl* Damned computer-generated nonsense....
You meatpuppets know that "Santa" is just "Satan" with the letters mixed up, right? Just one more way my Master takes your focus off the Creator in favor of himself. Merry Fuckin' Ho-Ho. Now, fuck off. I have a turkey in the oven.
Current Location: In The Kitchen
Current Mood: amused
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03:22 pm
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Stupid Humans
I would express my gratitude for this, but that wouldn't be very demonic, now would it? At any rate, go check out this gallery. It's who made this new signature banner.
-Lord Andronicus
http://community.livejournal.com/strixwitchicons
Current Location: Bored Out Of My Mind
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Ayla Ignoring Me
Tags: humans
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08:27 pm
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It's True
Ever heard the saying "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?"
It's true.
Current Mood:  shocked
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02:26 am
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Damned "Friend" of the Day
( Enjoy. )
Current Location: Pitiful Mortal Plane of Existence
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Nickelback - "Someday"
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01:52 pm
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More Stupid Human Amusement
Found this on some other people's journals. I've decided to modify it for my own amusement.
Original:
Here's how it works:
1. Reply to this post if you want me to tell you how cool you are.
2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you and why you rock my socks.
3. Post these instructions in your journal and give your friends a much needed dose of love and adoration!
Demonic version:
Here's how it works:
1. Reply to this post if you want me to tell you how damned you are.
2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you and why you're pathetic.
3. Post these instructions in your journal and give your friends a much needed dose of reality and hatred.
Knock yourselves out, meatpuppets!
Current Mood:  bored
Current Music: Mutt watching "Laverne & Shirley"
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11:37 pm
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Human Amusement
You meatpuppets amuse yourselves with the strangest things. A bunch of people did this, and I was bored, so I did it too.
Now *that* is amusing.
- Andronicus, Lord General
Current Location: Cate's Study - Again
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Silence finally
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